Listening, as opposed to hearing, is a fundamental skill necessary to a successful practice. When doctors are perceived as good listeners, it is the most common reason they are voted as “Best of” in a local beauty contest. By contrast the perception of “not being listened to” is one of the most common complaint in a malpractice suit.
What is Listening?
Listening can be defined as receiving spoken language such that the listener and speaker apprehend the same meaning. Hearing is more of a physiological act, without the critical meaning-making. I could hear a speech given in Urdu, but since I understand none of it, I could not hope to achieve the same meaning the speaker is intending. Meaning can be derived from non-word sources, certainly. A person’s tone inflection and body movements can all convey meaning, sometimes in a forceful fashion. But for this post, we will confine ourselves to spoken language.
This seems like such a simple and ordinary thing, that it hardly merits a further thought. Yet, it is complex and challenging and falls short more often than not.
Listening Filters
Whenever we listen to another person’s spoken language, we commonly yet unwittingly put it through a set of filters that can change or diminish the meaning and inhibit successful communication. Here are a few common examples:
- I agree with that. We’re plugging the information into what we already think, even though it may not be the same thing.
- I disagree with that. We reject the ideas without allowing them to be completely spoken.
- I’ve heard that already. Unreasonable emphasis on something new.
- I’ve never heard that. It can’t be true or someone else would have already told me about it.
- That’s very popular. Since other people think it’s true, it must be.
- That’s heartfelt. It must be true because the speaker is emotional about it.
These are essentially derived from classical notions of logical fallacies, and have been a part of the Western canon for millennia. But, just because we know it’s wrong, that does not stop us from doing it anyway!
These can be overcome with self-awareness and determination not to simply pigeon hole a person or an idea. It hake effort and time, but can certainly be accomplished.
Active versus passive listening
This distinction is very easy to access and is something that “closes the loop” in most conversations. It’s especially useful when the two parties are newly acquainted and crucial information is being passed. Active listening involves the listener absorbing the message, and then repeating it back in summarized or paraphrased form to the speaker. A good format to use is, “Let me see if I understand this completely.” This format cements and insures that the original speaker and listener are coming away with the same set of meaning from the conversation. If the listening is passive, the listener may get the content being conveyed, but since there is no feedback the cycle remains incomplete.
Levels of Listening
Listening can be thought of as a hierarchical activity. The steps ascend with the levels of awareness present.
- First level listening: this involves data exchange and is focused solely on the content being conveyed. Active versus passive listening is involved here; they can be thought of as types of first level listening. An example would be receiving spoken driving directions about how to find your destination.
- Second level listening: this involves the listener being aware of his or her own response to the conversation. This means that while the listener is processing the content, he is also aware of his inner response to the content. Does it make him feel relaxed or tense? Is the speaker telling the truth or is information being altered or withheld? Does he trust the speaker? These responses can be based on intuition or on partial information, but should be noticed because they will tend to guide further conversations one way or the other.
- Third party listening: This is where the listener is processing content, being aware of his/her own response to the speaker, and is also able to imagine how a third party observer would respond to the quality of the conversation. Are they interrupting each other? Speaking at the same time? Not paying attention and missing things?
Greater expertise with any of these skills has universal use, and will make you better at anything involving people.